In a partner dance party (Salsa, Ballroom, Tango etc), there are leaders/guys who get unpopular as the party goes. He asks her to dance second time, and she says "I'm tired" or something like that, politely turning his invitation down. Sure, in many cases she really is tired, and he doesn't have to take it personal. But in some cases, she IS avoiding the guy.
Probably about 1-5% of all guys get this treatment. How does he manage to make her angry (or displeased) enough to politely turn him down?
Easy. He is selfish and not paying attention to her while they dance. That's how. It's pretty much the same as how he never gets laid again after a bad encounter.
His attitude is quite visible while dancing. If he seems to be having fun alone or getting busy dancing by himself, and she seems to be having hard time following, because of his untimely lead or careless yanking, in an hour or so he will be red-flagged by the girls out there. Come on, who wants to be rushed and yanked while dancing?
A worse part of these guys is that he is persistent, comes back and keeps asking. Or, he seems to take no hint; another indication of insensitivity. Most girls are polite. But with these persistent guys you can see them getting aggravated over time.
To avoid this, I have a few common sense suggestions for guys, or a sequence of event.
(i) Know what you are supposed to do to lead, hopefully in advance
(ii) Observe how she dances and know how she would dance
(iii) Have a small talk with her to get the feel before you dance
(iv) On the dance floor, take time to connect. Listen to the music.
(v) Start slow. Start with basic steps and figure out how well she moves. Be gentle yet lead decisively.
(vi) Make sure she is having fun, or at least is comfortable enough
(vii) When she is having fun, it should already be fun for you. Then add your own dancing
(viii) Say thank you afterward. Praise strength
Dance party is for fun. How you and your partner feel after the dance is a lot more important than whether you did steps correctly or not. These selfish guys make her feel stupid after dance. Why would she want to dance with him ever again?
But guys, don't be too alarmed. These unworkably selfish guys are actually rare. If you are sensible enough to read this kind of little writing about dancing, you are likely not one of them and okay enough already. It is his mental attitude ("I don't care about you, but I am having fun") that angers or displeases her.
People who lack ability to see themselves from third person stand point (i.e. low meta-recognition) tend to do selfish dancing. It's a matter of maturity or basic ability for respecting others. Maybe it is a part of reasons that people have used dancing to identify a good mate or the champion of the tribe.
Last weekend we were having farewell parties for Luis Angel, Argentine Tango instructor from Buenos Aires who contributed tremendously to Oklahoma Tango community. He's got a good job offer in D.C. area and is moving. I wish him best of luck and continuing success.
April 30, 2012
April 23, 2012
Dance: Masquerade
Yesterday University ballroom dance club was throwing a Masquerade party. Although not many were wearing a mask (it is April and we are far from Halloween after all), the setting was adding some flavor to the party.
I did not have a mask, so I bought one from Etsy. A shop in Florida was selling a nice looking Venetian style mask at a reasonable cost, and their service was great. I'd buy from them again.
There are many vendors in Amazon, too. The masks they sell may not be as unique or well made as in Etsy, but are generally cheaper and equally fun.
Wearing a mask has something fascinating. A mask itself has an artistic appeal, too. Beginning from kid's mask at a festival, I came across many different masks at some time in my life. Terrifying African tribal mask, weird and colorful Mardi Gras mask, very artistic Venetian mask, Halloween monster mask, theater mask with well defined character role, the "Phantom" mask, the Marvel mask (many famous Heroes have an alter ego and a mask)... in movies (those Hero movies aside), "Amadeus" and "Eyes wide shut" come to mind.
Why is it so much fun to wear a mask? Because,...hmm, I am tired of myself? Because I feel like I am a kid? Because I am "cooler", "more beautiful", "scary" or "mysterious" now? Because now I am a character the mask represents? Because I am not me who stands alone but am someone entirely different, or am an anonymous part of bigger something? Or because I can hide behind the mask?
I don't think some of the reasons I just came up apply to me last night. But one thing is certain; a mask can instantly change the way you are perceived by others, and it can be empowering, instilling the sense of power to you. And for most people, having power is fun and uplifting. In the sense, a mask can change your perception of you as well.
On the other hand, masks may be appealing to you when your self esteem is weak, or you feel scarred and has psychological need to hide it.
So, I guess, a mask is an adoptive tool to change perception, both of others and of you. You can use the handy tool in many ways.
A mask grants you anonymity. And we all know people tend to act differently with anonymity, differently for the worse mostly. Criminals use it. Some gangs use it. In the internet we can be anybody without needing a mask, and see what is happening.
Since you are eventually acting as yourself with or without a mask, the "fix", or any effect provided by a mask is only a temporary thing? It might be. Still.
Anyway, I tend to collect small things that interest me. They don't have to be expensive or valuable. Examples are wristwatches, cufflinks, ties, shoes and sneakers, and the like. I even use five different kinds of toothpaste. Just a little act of comparison can be fun and small luxury, and as a result they just accumulate. I might add masks to the collection (accumulation) list for coming days.
And, people, wear a mask at a Masquerade. A drawback is that I need to lose eyeglasses. But wearing a mask in a party is more fun. I promise.
I did not have a mask, so I bought one from Etsy. A shop in Florida was selling a nice looking Venetian style mask at a reasonable cost, and their service was great. I'd buy from them again.
There are many vendors in Amazon, too. The masks they sell may not be as unique or well made as in Etsy, but are generally cheaper and equally fun.
Wearing a mask has something fascinating. A mask itself has an artistic appeal, too. Beginning from kid's mask at a festival, I came across many different masks at some time in my life. Terrifying African tribal mask, weird and colorful Mardi Gras mask, very artistic Venetian mask, Halloween monster mask, theater mask with well defined character role, the "Phantom" mask, the Marvel mask (many famous Heroes have an alter ego and a mask)... in movies (those Hero movies aside), "Amadeus" and "Eyes wide shut" come to mind.
Why is it so much fun to wear a mask? Because,...hmm, I am tired of myself? Because I feel like I am a kid? Because I am "cooler", "more beautiful", "scary" or "mysterious" now? Because now I am a character the mask represents? Because I am not me who stands alone but am someone entirely different, or am an anonymous part of bigger something? Or because I can hide behind the mask?
I don't think some of the reasons I just came up apply to me last night. But one thing is certain; a mask can instantly change the way you are perceived by others, and it can be empowering, instilling the sense of power to you. And for most people, having power is fun and uplifting. In the sense, a mask can change your perception of you as well.
On the other hand, masks may be appealing to you when your self esteem is weak, or you feel scarred and has psychological need to hide it.
So, I guess, a mask is an adoptive tool to change perception, both of others and of you. You can use the handy tool in many ways.
A mask grants you anonymity. And we all know people tend to act differently with anonymity, differently for the worse mostly. Criminals use it. Some gangs use it. In the internet we can be anybody without needing a mask, and see what is happening.
Since you are eventually acting as yourself with or without a mask, the "fix", or any effect provided by a mask is only a temporary thing? It might be. Still.
Anyway, I tend to collect small things that interest me. They don't have to be expensive or valuable. Examples are wristwatches, cufflinks, ties, shoes and sneakers, and the like. I even use five different kinds of toothpaste. Just a little act of comparison can be fun and small luxury, and as a result they just accumulate. I might add masks to the collection (accumulation) list for coming days.
And, people, wear a mask at a Masquerade. A drawback is that I need to lose eyeglasses. But wearing a mask in a party is more fun. I promise.
April 17, 2012
Life: A Sense of Community
"You shall not murder" is a famous ten commandment phrase, and the same rule is enforced everywhere. It is one of the "universal rules" in human societies.
Yet, the no murder rule can be easily broken. In many cases, people kill others they don't even know. Why, I wonder.
My current idea is that people can kill people outside of their own community without much remorse. The mentality is easy to understand if you think of a village (only) 1000 years ago. The world was dangerous place, and the harm came from outside in the form of strangers or an army of enemy.
So, they may have developed a sense of community. Fear, probably, is the major drive for this action. Make a distinction between "Us" and "Them", and apply social rules to "Us" but not to "Them". In a war, brand them as an enemy, and you are free to kill them all.
The notion of humanist (we are all humans) may actually be a more recent invention.
You can see this distinction everywhere even now. No one is not guilty for making distinctions. It seems to be a human nature.
In fact, a person's identity is pretty much determined by these distinctions. Man, woman, Christian, Muslim, Red socks fan, American, Dancer, husband, Republican, Veteran, College grad,..... Name anything and all of the identity groups imply "Others" or "Them" who are not "Us".
Now, how much diffference in treatment will you put between "Us" and "Them"? Some people seem to be more comfortable to put bigger difference in treatment than other people.
Suppose there is a group of people who make clear distinctions, and who put a big difference in treatment between "Us" and "Them".They may have stronger affinity to a hateful attitude, exclusive religions or intolerance.
Here is a proposal for an exercise. Think of your own identity, and make a list of communities you think you belong. And check your own attitude toward each identity, and your attitude toward "Them".
This exercise can be fun. For example, a racist is a guy who chose to treat "Them" differently because of "their" skin color that are different from his. An American is a guy who has US citizenship (well, probably. don't ask me detailed legal questions for this). Now how does he decide to treat non-Americans?
Note that you can change the degree of distinction by your choice in many cases. Even if you cannot change the distinction itself, like your skin color, you can choose to change (or try to change) how you feel about it, or how you treat "Them".
But probably, from the eyes of almighty omnipotent all-loving Judeo-Christian-type God, the distinctions you make would seem trivial.
Yet, the no murder rule can be easily broken. In many cases, people kill others they don't even know. Why, I wonder.
My current idea is that people can kill people outside of their own community without much remorse. The mentality is easy to understand if you think of a village (only) 1000 years ago. The world was dangerous place, and the harm came from outside in the form of strangers or an army of enemy.
So, they may have developed a sense of community. Fear, probably, is the major drive for this action. Make a distinction between "Us" and "Them", and apply social rules to "Us" but not to "Them". In a war, brand them as an enemy, and you are free to kill them all.
The notion of humanist (we are all humans) may actually be a more recent invention.
You can see this distinction everywhere even now. No one is not guilty for making distinctions. It seems to be a human nature.
In fact, a person's identity is pretty much determined by these distinctions. Man, woman, Christian, Muslim, Red socks fan, American, Dancer, husband, Republican, Veteran, College grad,..... Name anything and all of the identity groups imply "Others" or "Them" who are not "Us".
Now, how much diffference in treatment will you put between "Us" and "Them"? Some people seem to be more comfortable to put bigger difference in treatment than other people.
Suppose there is a group of people who make clear distinctions, and who put a big difference in treatment between "Us" and "Them".They may have stronger affinity to a hateful attitude, exclusive religions or intolerance.
Here is a proposal for an exercise. Think of your own identity, and make a list of communities you think you belong. And check your own attitude toward each identity, and your attitude toward "Them".
This exercise can be fun. For example, a racist is a guy who chose to treat "Them" differently because of "their" skin color that are different from his. An American is a guy who has US citizenship (well, probably. don't ask me detailed legal questions for this). Now how does he decide to treat non-Americans?
Note that you can change the degree of distinction by your choice in many cases. Even if you cannot change the distinction itself, like your skin color, you can choose to change (or try to change) how you feel about it, or how you treat "Them".
But probably, from the eyes of almighty omnipotent all-loving Judeo-Christian-type God, the distinctions you make would seem trivial.
April 11, 2012
Dance: events, OK Tango, Tulsa Spring Swing
OK Tango is an annual Argentine Tango event in Tulsa, Oklahoma. The event started 4 years ago with Hazel (OKC) and Allen (Tulsa) as main organizers. I appreciate their efforts to spread the joy of dancing Argentine Tango.
This year OK Tango was held over Easter weekend. They invited instructors from out of state as well as in-state (Avik Basu and Patricia Greve, Beth Anne Osborn and Clay Nelson, Laura Pellegrino and Tomas Corbalan, Hazel Lopez and Luis Angel, and Tonya Smith) for daytime classes, and had three nighttime milongas for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
We went to the Saturday milonga. They invited Argentine Tango band "Q Tango" for live music. The band was pretty good. As I saw the band members dancing before they play, I got an impression that they know what they are doing well.
Dancing Argentine Tango with live music is always great. You can feel the musician's vibe. Playful musicians may even challenge the dancers with a little bit of rhythm tweak (I don't think they did it much for the night, though).
Around 12AM there were demonstrations by instructors. Since Argentine Tango styles vary so much, no couples dance alike, and I love it. It adds fun for watching. Avik and Patricia's dance was very nice and likeable. I do not always like ballroom style, gun-ho all-out show Tangos. Their dance was a nice blend of social and flashy; smooth and easy, matching well with the music. I loved it.
A milonga is a social dance party, and I danced with different partners I don't dance regularly with. In social dance I have no idea how well they dance at first, so I always start slow, take time to figure her out, and dance accordingly. A lot of times, dancers need no introduction, though. The feeling, how they hold themselves and how smooth they move, can tell us that they are dancers. It is a pleasure to meet other dancers.
The milonga started around 9PM and ended around 2AM. Usually last song for a milonga is the most famous Tango song La Cumparsita, and the song closed the party.
It was awesome milonga and worth a drive from OKC.
Since my wife will be moving out of state, I am not certain whether we are going to make it to the OK Tango milonga next year. But I certainly hope their continuing success.
In the same weekend, there was a west coast swing event Tulsa Spring Swing, directed by Jeanne Degeyter. As a part of National amateur swing dance contest circuit, the event is quite popular and enjoys contestants from other states (e.g. Texas, Louisiana, Missouri, Kansas).
We checked out the event after the milonga. Although we arrived there after 230AM, there were many dancers still dancing. WCS crowd tend to be on younger side than the Tango crowd, and I wonder it may be the reason. We left there around 5AM. We were a little tired but very happy. Special thanks to late night DJs, especially to Ruby and Ruthie. Hope to see you soon somewhere.
This year OK Tango was held over Easter weekend. They invited instructors from out of state as well as in-state (Avik Basu and Patricia Greve, Beth Anne Osborn and Clay Nelson, Laura Pellegrino and Tomas Corbalan, Hazel Lopez and Luis Angel, and Tonya Smith) for daytime classes, and had three nighttime milongas for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.
We went to the Saturday milonga. They invited Argentine Tango band "Q Tango" for live music. The band was pretty good. As I saw the band members dancing before they play, I got an impression that they know what they are doing well.
Dancing Argentine Tango with live music is always great. You can feel the musician's vibe. Playful musicians may even challenge the dancers with a little bit of rhythm tweak (I don't think they did it much for the night, though).
Around 12AM there were demonstrations by instructors. Since Argentine Tango styles vary so much, no couples dance alike, and I love it. It adds fun for watching. Avik and Patricia's dance was very nice and likeable. I do not always like ballroom style, gun-ho all-out show Tangos. Their dance was a nice blend of social and flashy; smooth and easy, matching well with the music. I loved it.
A milonga is a social dance party, and I danced with different partners I don't dance regularly with. In social dance I have no idea how well they dance at first, so I always start slow, take time to figure her out, and dance accordingly. A lot of times, dancers need no introduction, though. The feeling, how they hold themselves and how smooth they move, can tell us that they are dancers. It is a pleasure to meet other dancers.
The milonga started around 9PM and ended around 2AM. Usually last song for a milonga is the most famous Tango song La Cumparsita, and the song closed the party.
It was awesome milonga and worth a drive from OKC.
Since my wife will be moving out of state, I am not certain whether we are going to make it to the OK Tango milonga next year. But I certainly hope their continuing success.
In the same weekend, there was a west coast swing event Tulsa Spring Swing, directed by Jeanne Degeyter. As a part of National amateur swing dance contest circuit, the event is quite popular and enjoys contestants from other states (e.g. Texas, Louisiana, Missouri, Kansas).
We checked out the event after the milonga. Although we arrived there after 230AM, there were many dancers still dancing. WCS crowd tend to be on younger side than the Tango crowd, and I wonder it may be the reason. We left there around 5AM. We were a little tired but very happy. Special thanks to late night DJs, especially to Ruby and Ruthie. Hope to see you soon somewhere.
April 5, 2012
Life: Less-starch diet follow up
I tested low starch/carb/sugar diet for 3 days on myself. In short, it works.
Most noticeable things were;
(a) I had less 3:30PM sleepiness,
(b) I had continuing feeling of "I am slightly hungry".
(c) On day 4, I brought back diet with rice (a Chinese dinner). I was full, satisfied and happy but I felt sleepy after a while.
Frankly I am a bit surprised by the quick and noticeable changes. I may have been too used to carb-rich diet. While I am used to something and think it is normal, it is hard to realize the overall effect of the something. I have been dismissing the sense of filling up after meal and a little bit of sleepiness as normal.
Other things I noticed were;
(a) Since I need to make up calories without rice, pasta, noodle, bread or potato, which are inexpensive, the cost for the diet may be more,
(b) Some cultures place special values in some food, like white rice is valued and enjoyed in Japan. Some people may have psychological barrier to implement this diet, and
(c) Since the loss of carb is made up by meat, vegetables, eggs and fat components, the diet becomes higher protein or higher fat diet, which may expose practitioners to higher risk for cancers in gastrointestinal tract in a long term.
I am not certain about the cancer risk part. Only an impression, but it is an established result that high fat diet increases GI cancer risk.
Overall, I am not planning to change my diet entirely. I am not ready for that. I will reserve my rights to enjoy sweets and ice cream. This is a major benefit of being healthy, meaning my pancreas is functioning enough to regulate blood sugar level at a reasonable level without much help. But I will mix this low carb diet occasionally as an option. As much as I am thankful to my current health, I would like to take good care of my body to stay healthy, and this experiment is my personal proof that diet has a noticeable impact.
Come to think of it, "prevention" is very under-appreciated field of medicine. If you don't get cancer or diabetes or anything, it's good, isn't it? It's much better than "you get one? Sorry but we have good medicine" situation. And it's far so much better than "you get one? Sorry, we can't cure them" situation.
To practice preventive medicine, it requires awareness (what you are doing now and know whether it is satisfactory or not), willingness (to change), knowledge (what you can do to change the course) and practice (do what needs to be done). It takes discipline yet the result comes out only later. And even most serious practice doesn't guarantee 100% result. With a mindset looking for quick fix and results, it looks hardly valuable. Yet, it is important.
In Steven Covey's bestseller business book "7 habits of highly effective people", there is a quadrant system to categolize events. Preventive medicine is something in quadrant 3, "Important but not urgent". The quadrant is something that makes difference in a long term. By the way the book is pretty good, a classic for a reason. You might want to look into it.
A graduate school student is arriving from Japan to a colleague's lab, and we will be having a welcome dinner tomorrow.
Most noticeable things were;
(a) I had less 3:30PM sleepiness,
(b) I had continuing feeling of "I am slightly hungry".
(c) On day 4, I brought back diet with rice (a Chinese dinner). I was full, satisfied and happy but I felt sleepy after a while.
Frankly I am a bit surprised by the quick and noticeable changes. I may have been too used to carb-rich diet. While I am used to something and think it is normal, it is hard to realize the overall effect of the something. I have been dismissing the sense of filling up after meal and a little bit of sleepiness as normal.
Other things I noticed were;
(a) Since I need to make up calories without rice, pasta, noodle, bread or potato, which are inexpensive, the cost for the diet may be more,
(b) Some cultures place special values in some food, like white rice is valued and enjoyed in Japan. Some people may have psychological barrier to implement this diet, and
(c) Since the loss of carb is made up by meat, vegetables, eggs and fat components, the diet becomes higher protein or higher fat diet, which may expose practitioners to higher risk for cancers in gastrointestinal tract in a long term.
I am not certain about the cancer risk part. Only an impression, but it is an established result that high fat diet increases GI cancer risk.
Overall, I am not planning to change my diet entirely. I am not ready for that. I will reserve my rights to enjoy sweets and ice cream. This is a major benefit of being healthy, meaning my pancreas is functioning enough to regulate blood sugar level at a reasonable level without much help. But I will mix this low carb diet occasionally as an option. As much as I am thankful to my current health, I would like to take good care of my body to stay healthy, and this experiment is my personal proof that diet has a noticeable impact.
Come to think of it, "prevention" is very under-appreciated field of medicine. If you don't get cancer or diabetes or anything, it's good, isn't it? It's much better than "you get one? Sorry but we have good medicine" situation. And it's far so much better than "you get one? Sorry, we can't cure them" situation.
To practice preventive medicine, it requires awareness (what you are doing now and know whether it is satisfactory or not), willingness (to change), knowledge (what you can do to change the course) and practice (do what needs to be done). It takes discipline yet the result comes out only later. And even most serious practice doesn't guarantee 100% result. With a mindset looking for quick fix and results, it looks hardly valuable. Yet, it is important.
In Steven Covey's bestseller business book "7 habits of highly effective people", there is a quadrant system to categolize events. Preventive medicine is something in quadrant 3, "Important but not urgent". The quadrant is something that makes difference in a long term. By the way the book is pretty good, a classic for a reason. You might want to look into it.
A graduate school student is arriving from Japan to a colleague's lab, and we will be having a welcome dinner tomorrow.
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