This recent divorce has been a hell of learning experience. I learned a lot.
I learned that many people are kind. Maybe because they were here themselves. Maybe because they were, just, kind. And I appreciate it.
What I learned includes, about myself and my ex.
Divorce is acknowledged by many to be one of the most stressful life events. I agree. A tough thing is these emotions. I am usually very level-headed, and it is rare for me to get emotional, cry, or anger.
They say there are four emotional steps before you finally reach acceptance (or forgiveness); denial, anger, bargaining and depression (despair).
They also say that the order the emotions appear is not necessarily in this order. For me, the order was denial, depression, bargaining then anger. It is intriguing to know that anger came last for me. I am slow to anger. Yet, once it reached to the boiling point, it seems to be hard to cool.
And anger is what I am dealing with currently. I feel like I am back to early teens, when constant frustration drove me crazy. Back then I was a swimmer, so I trained. I also studied hard. These activities got me tired enough to dissipate the frustration and helped me to get by. Now, many years later, I am frustrated, and feel a need to cope. What am I going to do?
This kind of frustration has been working positively for me in the form of creativity. I got to channel it. Then this divorce and emotional turmoil should prove to be a blessing in disguise.
Another thing I learned was that, even if I knew from psychology textbook that these emotional reactions would come, the knowledge itself did not help. I figured that these emotional reactions are like a physical event just like the flu. We just have to go through the course, and it takes due time.
Mind knows no time. Emotions seem to be bound to body and are much slower to move on. Even though sometimes overshadowed by anger, my mind can still simulate the future. Some time later this anger is history, and I would be functioning just fine. I would perhaps be a little wiser and kinder, too.
In a future, after all these emotions are faded, I want to look this back with positive tone. I have control over what I do now. I hope what I do now create something better in the future. It's karma. What we sow we reap.
Guess this is enough for a pep talk to self, for now.
