When I go to a dance party (Ballroom, Tango /milonga or swing or salsa) and ask someone a dance, I occasionally hear "I'm not so good". It's a defensive remark.
Although she is usually fine, I've heard it so many times.
So why do people feel insecure about their dancing?
Here I borrow words from my friend Kate, who is a professional ballroom dance instructor. A few days ago I attended her one-woman lecture titled "Dance as lifestyle" in University of Oklahoma.
In her talk, she said the following.
"Dancing is very personal. If someone doesn't like my painting or writing, that's fine. I can live with that. But for acting, singing and dancing, it's ME. It IS personal."
"That's why many singers and actors have alcohol or drug problem . Dancers have to take care of their body, so the drinking or drug issue is less obvious, but the issue is there."
I didn't think of that before. So, dancing may be, by default, personal.
In fact, there are many dancers who cannot take any hint of criticism. Hear a (constructive) criticism, and they snap or fall apart.
I used to wonder why, and I even thought they are just insecure, until I heard what Kate said.
I also figured that there is my personal reason for my wondering. I am a professional scientist, and my colleagues, also scientists, are naturally skeptic people. I don't expect straightforward praise from them. Rather, I expect (constructive) criticisms from them. Basically, for this Science work I had to learn to take criticisms in a non-personal manner. Otherwise, my work and accompanying criticisms would be abrasive to my skin. Come to think of it, I did take some criticisms personal when I was in school. It took years for me to change my attitude toward criticisms. I guess I cannot blame the people who take it personal.
So, what I believe as my professional attitude actually protects me from hurting from criticisms. It works for me.
This line of thinking made me realize that I see and take my dancing from a professional's standpoint. For me, dancing is no longer a hobby, recreational, fun or a measure for self-assurance. It's more like an art that I am serious about, that I value how well I can do, and for which I am applying my standards as a professional.
Hmm. It seems that I tend to think like an old school Karate guy, who just trains day in day out. I didn't know how crazy I have become for this art.
PS.
I do think taking things personal can hinder a person's growth and development in general. But I also understand that there are occasions when assurance and compliments do much better. It depends on your personality and how much professionalism you have for the art.
Or it depends on your attitude. Results from "I do this because it makes me feel better" attitude rarely surpass the results from "I do this to serve" professional attitude. It's a psychology I believe.
