Life: My father Akira's passing

My sister in Tokyo sent me an email about deteriorating condition of my father, who had been in bed for nine long years after a stroke that nearly killed him. Thirty minutes later, she sent another email, reporting his death.

I am his firstborn son, so following Japanese custom I flew back to Japan to attend his funeral as the Ceremony master. By the time I got to my hometown, my sister and the funeral service had completed his funeral arrangements. He was in casket and in a temple. It was a Buddhism funeral.

A Buddhism funeral ceremony is highly ritualized. It's not unlike Catholic services. We received relatives and had a dinner with them, which was followed by an overnight wake with family members in the temple. The next day was funeral service and cremation. In the main ceremony, a Buddhism monk chanted sutra, and supporting three monks chanted and played some instruments. The idea was to let the soul know that he had died and also to slightly disorient the soul by the sutra and loud noise, so that he should not stick around too close as a ghost.

In the Buddhism belief, the soul of the deceased does not leave to the other world immediately. The soul would be around for a while (seven weeks). During the time, people hope the soul to be around at an optimal distance, not too close nor too far. During the time, people pray and send good thoughts for the deceased. The prayers and good thoughts are believed to bring good extra karma for the soul and aid the soul rest in peace.


I am not exactly a religious type. But I understand these explanations and ceremonies should help the family to cope with the emotional time. These upcoming prayer sessions should keep my mother busy and should help her to get used to his passing, for example.


After the chant and incense burning, I gave a short eulogy speech as the Ceremony master and thanked the attending guests. Then we filled the casket with flowers and went to a crematory with him. We, family members and relatives, waited until the cremation was done in about 80 minutes. Then we collected his bones and ashes in urn.  

We came back to the temple from the crematory (taking a different route to disorient the soul), had a dinner, and the funeral and cremation was over.


The whole funeral business felt very strange, or even surreal. It was tiring, too. But it was done nonetheless. If someone asks me the "Kill Bill vol 2" question "relief or regret", my answer is definitely "relief".

[My father, me and my sister; a long time ago]

What was important for me and my sister was to take care of troublesome things associated with the death, like transferring ownership of his car and other stuff, making payments, various paperwork, etc etc, in order to ensure smoother transition mainly for our mother. I am glad these secular jobs are almost completed.