My wife and I turned out to have quite different personalities. When we talk at a length, we both tend to have amusing discoveries.
For example,..
When I get sick, let's say a cold or the flu, something not as serious as hospitalization or intensive care is required, I want to be left alone.
The reasoning is because I don't want to give this cold or flu to anyone, and because I believe someone is running around nearby doesn't really help me heal myself. It's basically my body's job.
So what I would do is primarily staying in bed and rest. As far as there are some stocked-up food and medicine, I would rather let my body heal itself. Alone.
She says otherwise. She wants to be taken care of. Even if she is staying in bed, she hopes someone to check in with her. That way she feels loved, and she believes it helps her heal.
A downside of the approach is that, all her family members tend to have a cold/flu at the same time.
The difference is coming from our difference in upbringing and psychological preference.
Sure, her family raised her in that way, and my family sort of quarantined me when I got sick. Upbringing has a lingering educational effect.
In addition, she is a feeler, and I am a thinker, in the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) personality categories. That preference is reflected in our liking.
Also from this discussion, what I noticed was that how strongly I tend to assume what she would want is the same as what I would want.
I need to keep this in mind. Our wants may be different. Otherwise I would be doing something she does not really want, with all my good intentions.
Over years I've learned to get along well with myself. Yet, getting along well with her is adding something else, something that is different from my natural preference, to me and probably to her.
On a negative side, the (forced) learning could stress us both out. On a positive side, we can learn something complementary from each other and come out fuller.
It's called relationship.
